Saturday, 19 May 2018

Little Ms. WORRY

I do it.
I do overthink everything.
I do worry about everything.
This is not a self-help artical. This is confession.

* * *

Chewing on my PeanutButterBanana slice of bread,thinking about where to start...wait,I know.
She misscarriaged three times,but they tried again. There were two of us. She was bleeding again and was pretty sure that she lost us. She did lose him. But she didn't lose me. I survived.
And now..  I am still surviving. But shouldn't I be living? Yes. I think I should. And I will.

This is me.
My dearest mom was so overprotective. My probably loving dad was strict.
Love them both so much,but now I have to face the circumstances.

Imagine a little girl in a kindergarden who is scared of leaving seeds from orange on a plate,because she feels like the teacher would be angry if she would find them,so she eats them.
Grammar riding.Every Tuesday. She is holding on the saddle so tightly,her heart is beating so fast.She is anxious,she hates it. Her grandpa wants her to do it,so she pretends that she likes it. She is seven and she already wears a mask.
Her heart is racing again.She is ten. It's almost bedtime. What's gonna happen when the light goes off..weird noises,monsters,thiefs. She can't fall asleep,too terriefied..Mommy..
High school...she feels like a piece of puzzle that doesn't fit anywhere.
She ran away and was so sure that everything will change.
It did,but she realised that no matter how far away she will go,she will never be able to run away from herself. She realized that she will always carry everything with her. Scars can get better,but they will always be there.

Change.. inside.. negative self talk.. doubts...
The biggest part of our personality and the way how we think and look at world and live our lifes is influenced by our childhood.
If you are asking yourself why...go deep inside. The little innocent human being is still there and will always be...waiting to be heard. Pause and listen.


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