Friday, 19 October 2018

LONELINESS


There is a difference between BEING ALONE and BEING LONELY.
I like to be alone once in a while, have time for myself,listen to some good music,light up a candle and just relax.
But you can feel lonely even if you are surrounded by hundreds of people. It's this emptiness in your chest,your throat is tight and you feel like there is nobody to understand,help or comfort you.
It's about self-love and gratitude is the key I know. And it is.
But I have this feeling that everyone is wearing a masks, so many different masks. Each of them for different occasion. One for school/work , one for lunch with people you don't even like, one when you are traveling by underground and one for the occasional small talk when you picking up your kids from school and you are trying to look like everything is great and life is perfect.
I strongly believe that life is a gift,don't get me wrong,and it is wonderful...but I just feel like even in today's world we can't / are not able to show our feelings and emotions in public, because we feel like lifes of others are perfect (after spending 30 minutes scrolling someone elses Instagram account..) and so we think we have to look like our life is perfect as well that we are smiling every day 24/7. We feel like we have to fit in,to say things so other people are happy with us. No! That's not okay!
Stop wearing your mask and start to live! If you don't like something say it. If you like something say it!
I am so tired of this typical british "Hi,you're 'right?" .. "Yeah,I'm alright and you?" or "Have a lovely day!" being said with fake smile and tapping on your shoulder.
Why the hell would you ask someone how he or she is and wouldn't even care?! WTF?!
We don't comunicate with each other at all. We are so hypnotized by our electronical divices and it's so bad that the person next to you can feel like dying from saddness and loneliness and you don't even give a FUCK!
Or what about small children or young adults or adults or old people...simply all of us. We need to help each other and protect each other.
You come to college and see how the majority of people is jugding others by the way they look,speak or act. Or you come to kindergarten and see really tuff child and you start to yell at him/her and tell him/her off,buy what if the childs father or mother is alcoholic,abusive or menthaly sick?
Or you see an old smelly man at the train station... what if he is living in a empty house and his family don't care about him and he would kill for the smallest smile or act of kindness?

I just needed to share this. Please help others. Even the smallest act of kindness can change somebody's life.

Lots of Love ConfiVera

Saturday, 22 September 2018

#3 CONFITALK: Boss The Bitch - Is She?


Hi everyone,
I am currently looking for a part-time job and today I did a trial shift in local vegan restaurant.
I loved the place! It was absolutely my style and I am vegan myself so what could be better?!
You know what? The boss.
Do you know the feeling when you meet someone for the first time and you feel so good around them and you are naturally yourself? That was the case when I was with my (hopefully in future) colleagues. But the boss...god! I felt so nervous around her because everyone around me was like,she is nice but crazy and you should look like you are busy all the time and she can be irritating and sometimes mean.
Was it true or did I feel like that because they told me so (not on porpouse).
There was one moment when my colleauge cut 2 slices of cake and then the boss came and she asked what is that. My colleague said that some non-vegan people order it and when they found out that it's vegan they didn't even want to try it. She was like .. are you serious that's so rude!?
Than the boss walked away and everybody laughed (me included - do know why actually.. I was completely like them even if I didn't know the boss, only because they told me. Interesting isn't it?) . Then my colleuage said that she hates lying but that the boss would be angry if she would tell her that she cut the cakes fo themselves... they didn't share with me, not sure why..assume because I was on trial shift. I don't know and don't care that much, it just popped on my mind.
But my colleauge was nice actually and funny and she allowed me to have smoothie.

What I learned today is how much opinion of others can influence you. And also that not everything is perfect and even when I felt like myself and confident in the restaurant I am not sure how do I feel about the people and what is true or not. I hope I will have the chance to find out
If I get the job I will do my best,because I would love to support vegan business and I also want to earn money to go abroad.

What's your experience with new job/enviroment? Share in comments!

Lots of Love ConfiVera

Saturday, 2 June 2018

#2 CONFITALK: Old Soul


I am 21 years old.

When you are a teenager, in your early twenties or basically in any age.. you wanna be perfect,you have the urgent feeling to fit in, to be loved, to be ,,normal'' and if it's not like that you are asking yourself: ,,What am I doing wrong? " , ,,Why don't they like me?'' , ,,What's wrong with me?"
I have been there and sometimes still am, but I have been quite blessed recently, because I had the chance to have couple of conversations with several adults that have more life experiences than I do and it helped me to understand, to accept, to cherish  and slowly starting to love.
Who?
My boyfriend? No. Because I don't have one.
My family? No.
My best friend? No.
But.. MYSELF.

It is all about you. Trust me. The questions you have about people not liking you, the doubts you have about not being good enough, yes. It's you and you again.
Most of the time we are our worst enemies and what we think is what we become. What we think is what we attract.
If you have doubts about yourself and you put yourself down all the time then believe me or not, but you will not attract anything good into your life, but the oposite -  for example negative people or situations. And most importantly you will slowly kill your potential and believe me, there is so much potential in you! You will destroy your soul and everything good in you.

I am not a buddhist, I am not sure about reincarnation, but I believe in human soul.
My soul is old and it took me 21 years to find out.
I am the only child and I grew up surrounded by adults and from what I can remember I have never been able to get on well with the majority of people who were the same age and I felt terrible about myself.
My father once told me that as soon as there are more than two people in the room I have a problem to communicate with them, to have a conversation. I was furious,hurt and so sad. But now I know that he said that to teach me something and to actually think about it and think about myself in general.

I do look at things differentely than people who are similar to my age. I don't see any point in clubbing and drinking alcohol. It feels like a waste of time and only short escape from the reality. It feels like people are terriefied of facing their problems and themselves.
I prefer reading, spending a quality time with the kids that I look after, cooking, singing and dancing like crazy to different songs, going to the gym. And also - and that took me so long to accept and actually truly enjoy! - being on my own and going for a walk listening to the birds,enjoying the touch of the sun on my skin, inhaling the fresh air and being grateful for the little things,being fully present in the moment.
I used to think that I am wasting my life being on my own, that my life is boring that I am boring and that everyone is having perfect life, hundreds of friends and that my life is great only if I do things with people, no matter if I like them or not and that the most important thing is to post a photo with bunch of people on Instagram - #somuchfun #bestdayever .. But no.. that's the power of social media. That's not the reality. The reality is - oh my GOD I feel so anxious and I don't have anything in common with these people, I wish I could just run away!

Surround yourself with people who are making you laugh so badly that you are crying and your abs are killing you, with people who are waking up the best in you and most importantly LOVE YOURSELF and cherish the time that you have for yourself. Look after yourself,be kind to yourself.
Because if not, how can you love someone else and how can someone else love you, if you don't love yourself?

And believe that everything happens for a reason and you are exactly where you are meant to be.



Tuesday, 22 May 2018

BRIGHTON - DAYTRIP


Watching the scereny flying by increadibly fast. Reminder of life going fast. Can't catch it.
Looking around...phones all over the place. No real connection.
Life is passing by, do they have a clue?
Not aware of the miracles around them, not aware of themselves.

Ladies talking about their nails.
Young couple... she is from Poland,he is German. She is studying law and he government. Too many pauses, awkwardness in the air.

Saturday, 19 May 2018

Little Ms. WORRY


I do it.
I do overthink everything.
I do worry about everything.
This is not a self-help artical. This is confession.

* * *

Chewing on my PeanutButterBanana slice of bread,thinking about where to start...wait,I know.
She misscarriaged three times,but they tried again. There were two of us. She was bleeding again and was pretty sure that she lost us. She did lose him. But she didn't lose me. I survived.
And now..  I am still surviving. But shouldn't I be living? Yes. I think I should. And I will.

This is me.
My dearest mom was so overprotective. My probably loving dad was strict.
Love them both so much,but now I have to face the circumstances.

Imagine a little girl in a kindergarden who is scared of leaving seeds from orange on a plate,because she feels like the teacher would be angry if she would find them,so she eats them.
Grammar school..horse riding.Every Tuesday. She is holding on the saddle so tightly,her heart is beating so fast.She is anxious,she hates it. Her grandpa wants her to do it,so she pretends that she likes it. She is seven and she already wears a mask.
Her heart is racing again.She is ten. It's almost bedtime. What's gonna happen when the light goes off..weird noises,monsters,thiefs. She can't fall asleep,too terriefied..Mommy..
High school...she feels like a piece of puzzle that doesn't fit anywhere.
She ran away and was so sure that everything will change.
It did,but she realised that no matter how far away she will go,she will never be able to run away from herself. She realized that she will always carry everything with her. Scars can get better,but they will always be there.

Change.. inside.. negative self talk.. doubts...
The biggest part of our personality and the way how we think and look at world and live our lifes is influenced by our childhood.
If you are asking yourself why...go deep inside. The little innocent human being is still there and will always be...waiting to be heard. Pause and listen.

***






Friday, 26 May 2017

REVIEW: GARNIER ESSENTIAL 24H Hydrating Cream (NORMAL TO COMBINATION SKIN!!)

Hello everybody,
today I have another review for you.
I was wondering,what kind of post I should write and then I thought that review would be actually a good idea and I am also kind of ashamed that I didn't share this miracle with you long time ago,because I use this product every day for more then 2 years!


What I love about this product is that it dries very quickly and you also don't need too much of it. It takes me more then half a year to use the whole packaging. It smells really nice and hydrates your skin very well.My skin after using this cream is very soft and feels healthy. I use the cream every morning and sometimes in the evening.
This type of cream is for normal to combination skin. I have combination skin,so if you have for example oily or dry skin,maybe this cream is not the right choice for you. 
I would say that you can buy it in every drugstore. The price is ca. 3,00 euros.

I know that this is a very short review,but the product is simply amazing!
Let me know,what kind creams are you using!
ConfiVera

Thursday, 18 May 2017

#1 CONFITALK: It's your life

Hello everybody,
I decided to start something new here on my blog. In CONFITALKS I am going to write about different topics,for example: bullying,traveling,self-love,self-confidence,stress etc..
First of all, I struggle with all of these things quite often and I am not an expert at all! But the point of this is that I would like to share with you my opinions and experience. I am also happy to hear your opinions and experiences. So please share it with me in comments below!

Today's CONFITALK is called - It's your life.
As you may know I am working as an Au pair in Switzerland and even if there are moments,when I don't want to stay here anymore or I cry,because I feel lonely,I will never regret this experience. Right now I have 2 more months left here and sometimes I ask myself: ,,Did this experience actually bring me something?" And you know what...YES...it did and a lot.And that's exactly what I would like to share with you.
Thanks to these 9 months here I realized so many things. But one of the most important one for me was realizing that no matter what anyone says to me,at the end of the day it's my life and only I decide,how am I going to live it.
Even if people tell you what you should do or what is the best for you,please,don't listen to them. I don't say that you shouldn't listen at all,no. Listening is important and sometimes a good advice can really help you or open up your eyes,but what I mean is,don't let other people to control your life,because they don't live your life.You do.
So for example if your dream is to travel the world and people around you are telling to you,how dangerous it could be,how expensive everything is and that you should study,ask them something. Ask them if they actually ever tried to travel,if they are so smart that they know everything about that.Ask them,if they've ever experienced, how does it actually feel to travel.
According to my experience,most of the time these people,who are telling you these negative things, have never been anywhere and the only thing that they do every day is that they have a job,which they hate and the only thing that makes them happy is to watch TV every evening.
I really don't want this to sound rude,but thing about it for a few minutes.
We complain very often about a lot of things or we are looking for excuses,why we can't do the things we want. You know,our planet exists for millions of years and if you compare it to one human life,which is around 75 years long,you will find out that our time on this planet is very short and it goes fast. That means we should make the most of it.
Stop to look for the reasons why things are not possible and try to think of the possibilities how to make your dreams and goals come true! It won't be easy,but at the end it's going to be worth it!
It's very easy to become affected by other peoples opinions,I know. I remember that during my school years I was so afraid all the time to actually raise my voice and to say my opinion out loud,because I thought that people would laugh and thought that I am stupid.
To be honest, I still struggle with this a little bit,but I think that I made kind of a progress and I handle this better,but I still need to work on it and it takes time and a lot of patience. But if you don't give up and take it step by step every day,I am sure you are going to see how your relationship with yourself is becoming better and how your voice is stronger.

If this post is going to help at least one person,mission is done!
ConfiVera